Why Devit Can't Get Laid
by Limativus
Summary: Pure crack and slight AU. It turns out that Jasdero's gotten more girls then Devit who's still, to his dismay, a virgin. He vows to end that state tonight and prove that he too, can get laid.


This story is basically a crack idea between a friend and me. We were making a joke that Jasdero was the more lovable of Jasdevi, so he must get laid more then Devit. Thus this fic came to be. I know, pure idiocy.

This takes place in a mild AU and there may be some OOC. I don't really remember I wrote this awhile back. DB

Disclaimer: I do not own any DGM characters. c:

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He fell to the ground with a thud. Groaning and sitting up Devit rubbed his sore head. He looked around for the clock. 1:34am. He scoffed as he realized he'd fallen asleep infront of the TV in the living room again.

Devit stood, popped his back, and began the short treck to his room. Down a few halls and past what seemed like millions of doors, he found the door he serched for. His and Jasdero's room, the one place no one wants to be for fear of ending up like the few akuma who had attempted to clean the wreakadge.

He didn't bother to knock or even open the door quietly. It was HIS room after all. But, it was that one little instinctive habbit that caused a near emotionally cataclysmic chain of events.

"UM!!" Devit felt his face heat up with a bright blush. He stood, more in disbalife than shock.

"Devi?" Jasdero turned to his brother looking slightly startled, wheras the black haired girl beneath him looked more annoyed than anything.

"Guess your brother woke up." She snapped the words out like bubblegum. She moved Jasdero's hair away just enough to see the bright red teen in the doorway. "Hi~!" she waved lightly, her cherry red nails glinting in the half light.

"Wha-what are…?" the sight before Devit failed to register in his brain.

"Um, Devi I'm knda…" Jasdero motioned to the unknown girl with a flick of his head causing the girl to laugh lightly.

"OH GOD!!" Devit turned and slammed the door behind him. His jumbled thoughts raced as he leaned against the black door, heartbeat racing feircely. As the light sound of the twins matress squeaking reached Devit's ears he shot down the hallway back to the living room to escape the sound.

xx

The door slammed open, startling Jasdero, whom was brushing his hair. Devit walked in slowly, stepping over various things lying upon the floor. He walked up to Jasdero, quickly grabbing his bare shoulders and began shaking him.

"YOU GOT LAID??!!"

"…yes….." Jasdero stared at Devit oddly, removing Devit's hands and sitting on the bed.

"Wha-what??!! HOW???"

"Devi, that was my 12th time." Devit's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. Jasdero meanly went about brushing his hair like normal, ignoring Devit as he fell to a sitting position upon the dirty floor.

"H-how??!"

"Women like me. That's kind of it… I just talk to them and they want to sleep with me."

"B-but…I'm hott!! I'm the one who gets the lustfull looks!! No offence Dero."

"None taken. Do you remember that girl you hit on at that club we went to?"

"Yea. She was a bitch."

"Actually she was really sweet. You're just an ass. She said so herself."

"She never talked to you."

"Um…Devi she uh…kinda talked to me while you went off with that other girl. She called you an ass. And you ARE. You're horrible at talking to girls Devi."

"Horrible at talking to girls? The girl I went off with danced with me and I was this close-" he made an inch with his thumb and index, "-to feeling her up!!"

"Devi you remember how I got home really late? That girl you called a bitch…we um…. We kinda had sex later."

"What the hell??!! She's a bitch to me and sleeps with YOU??!! What the hell???!! No offence."

"None taken. You just don't know how to smooth talk."

"And YOU do??!! No offence."

"None taken. When you talk to a girl do you act like you're interested in what they say?" Jasdero took out a pen and pad of paper and started taking notes.

"Hell no. Stupid girl shouldn't be talking."

"…..right. Do you compliment them?"

"Hell no. Bitch should be complimenting me."

"….yea. You aren't going to get laid unless you find a meek little masochist." Jasdero dropped the pen and paper, will to help Devit defeated by Devit's own selfish nature.

"Do- do you think a REAALLY drunk chick would do me??!" Devit stood, a frantic look on his face.

"Let's not go THERE yet. We can still TRY to get a sober girl. Just be really nice to them. You can try it out tonight. I'm meeting Riko-"

"Who?"

"The girl you saw. =there tonight. You can tag along, she won't mind. She thinks you're a little slow in the head or something."

"She didn't seem like a Riko…I'd give her a more slutty name."

"HEY."

xx

The music thumped through the club, sending silance on a fearfull chase. Neon lights gleamed in the dimly lit room as the patrons ignored the slightly oninous setting and chattered away as most humans did. Few people sat at the small bar, the very place Devit hoped to find a girl.

"Aww. You brought your brother along Jas?" Riko smiled brightly at a very confused Devit who was not foucused on her, but the fact that her shirt was about three sizes two small for her chest. "You trying to pick up a lady friend?"

"Huh?" his attention was ripped away from her breasts. "Oh ah…yea. Yea I'm trying to get a girl."

"You should go to the bar! All sorts of girls are there! You're bound to find one that you like!" she smiled and leaned over, much to Devit's liking.

"Just remember, BE NICE. You have a better chance if you listen and smile." Jasdero finished tying his hair back and walked off to the dance floor with Riko.

Devit sighed. "Much easyer said than done…." With a deep breath he walked over to the bar, the chains on his pants clinking slighly. The first girl to catch his ice blue eyes was a slightly curvy red head. She sipped her long island ice tea, completely unaware of the visious boy stalking up to her.

"Hi." She turned to meet Devit's lustfull gaze. "Would you uh…like to dance?"

"Frankly I'd prefer to finish my drink." Her voice was smooth and sent a small chill down his spine. She turned back to the counter.

"Would you like me to buy you one?"

"That's a really dumb question concidering the fact that I've barely had any of the drink I have in my hand smart guy."

"Then maybe when you're done you could take me up on that dance?" he leaned over her, one arm beside each of her sides.

"Really? So far you're more on the road to getting maced rather than dancing."

"You don't have mace." He looked around her for some.

"No but I'm pretty sure every other girl here dose and wouldn't mind lending some. Move and I might concider not killing you."

He held back the urge to lash out at her, instead focusing his energies on the task at hand: Getting in her pants. Her really tight pants….he mentally drooled. Devit sat down beside her. "Better?!" shit. The word came out pissy.

"Ooo. Some-one's mad. If you were at all threatening I might be worried." She continued sipping her drink.

"I'm not mad! I uh…just really want to dance with you." Devit ran a hand through his black hair and grit his teeth.

"BS. You're hella persistant though." She gave him a smile. It was sweet, like honey, and made a light blush rise to Devit's face. "You're blushing!"

"Hell no! I'm not blushing you idiot!!" his temper flared as the girl laughed.

"You know what? I think I will take you up o that dance." She stood slowly, the fishnet draped over her shirt falling off her shoulders. "Come on. Let's see what you can do. Whoo me and you might get a SECOND dance. That'll be a big prize huh?"

xx

"So what's the verdict?" Jasdero turned to his brother. Devit lumbered along through the parking lot, eyes on his shiney boots.

"I fail."

"What happened? It looked like it was going so well!" Riko looked around Jasdero at Devit, her ruby red lips in a concened pout.

"I called her a bitch."

"Devi." Jasdero sighed. "I TOLD you not to do that."

"He calls girls that NORMALLY? Yea, he's not getting laid."

"HEY!"

"Honey, NO GIRL wants an asshole."

"They want overly exited guys with long hair and crazy laughs instead? No offence Dero."

"None taken."

"Honey, he's SWEET and treats me like a lady. That's what ALL girls want. You just need to smile, talk kindly, and stop that dirty mouth of yours is all!" she walked infront of Devit and shook him lightly as they stopped upon reaching the car.

"Fuck that. I'd rather do a drunk chick." Devit pulled out a bottel of skotch he had purchased in the bar as he flopped down in the backseat and began drinking.

"Not with THAT attitude." Riko sat in the passenger seat as Jasdero started the car engine. "Right now you'd be lucky to get raped."

"Shut the hell up! I'll just try again tomarrow…" Devit took another swig. "Damn….she was a hott one too…just the right size, not too skinny…..nice ass."

"You're a pig." Riko spat out.

"Oh HELL Dero!" Devit leaned inbetween the two front seats, turning tword his now silant brother. "You should've seen her breasts!! Oh my God…they were like…aaaahhh!!" he flopped back to his seat and drank some more. "….and her pants were so tight!! God!! She had really nice thighs…I wouldn't mind being between the-"

"Devit. Shut the fuck up and just go jack off when we get home. Riko and I don't need to hear all about your little 'fucking fantasy'."

Riko bust out laughing. "JAS AND I don't need to fantisise!!"

"I bet you jack off too Dero!! What do you do when you want it??!! Huh??!" he kicked the back of Jasdero's seat.

"Call Riko." The girl laughed again. Devit found her laugh about as pleasant than nails on a chalk board.

"I hate you both." More skotch.

"We love you too Devi."


End file.
